16-07-2009, 05:44 PM
Ah, kids who are 12. Our silent friends, except instead of silent they're loud. ....and instead of friends they are pests. Well... most of them. Obviously there are going to be a few 12 year olds who can buckle swash with the rest of 'em, but this pertains to the status quo.
Now, I'm going to get the technicalities out of the way before I get into the goods, so as not to spoil your appetite half way through the main course.
At 12 a kid is finally at an age where they can mildly justify being "the biggest kid possible". This means that there isn't a model airplane NOT recommended for their age level. No action figure is pointy enough to merit prohibition from 12 year olds. Of course there's BB guns or special Canadian TV shows that you have to be 16 or 14 years old respectively, but generally anything a little kid would normally do, they're allowed to do it.
This tricks some of them into thinking that they are:
a) interesting
b) smart
c) humorous
d) attractive
e) tough
Once they get these crazy ideas into their heads I am normally forced to:
a) sleep involuntarily
b) use mind-bullets on them
c) roll my eyes so hard that nearby pavement cracks
d) vomit uncontrollably
e) punt them to Proxima Centari
Every now and then I hit up omegle for a random chat, and what do I find? 12 year olds. How do I know they're 12? Well, it's simple really, if their opening line is:
a) ASL?
b) hey, I'm getting a mustache, are you a girl?
c) aloha! I wear a bra almost every day
d) hey, do you like music?
They are clearly 12, or are at least 12 brained. My responses are swift disconnects preceeded by:
a) Your question bores me.
b) You sound 12, I hate that, bye.
c) Do your parents know you use the internet?
d) .....
The really unfortunate part about being 12 is that you're not really a person yet, you're the stage of the species before it's matured enough to function.
Think your BB-Gun/bicycle/skate board/preteen angst makes you a tough customer? No, it makes you a thoroughly un-tough customer.
Awesome myspace page by the way. I like how it's a 900 line page completely covered with randomly scaled images, green italicised text, two songs playing in the background, and your name spelled with fire. Except when I say awesome I mean terrible and retarded.
Here's another thing, unless you are quite literally a hero, using words like "lol", "rofl", "lmao", outside of quotation marks makes you loose the contest. Equivalently, words like ":)", or any word spelled using numbers (sk8) are thoroughly retarded. The most horrible consequence of this is that somehow this 12-speak has filtered its way down to normal humans. Tainting otherwise intellelagable text.
Bah, I grow weary of this rant. Too much energy used up on raccoons.
Now, I'm going to get the technicalities out of the way before I get into the goods, so as not to spoil your appetite half way through the main course.
At 12 a kid is finally at an age where they can mildly justify being "the biggest kid possible". This means that there isn't a model airplane NOT recommended for their age level. No action figure is pointy enough to merit prohibition from 12 year olds. Of course there's BB guns or special Canadian TV shows that you have to be 16 or 14 years old respectively, but generally anything a little kid would normally do, they're allowed to do it.
This tricks some of them into thinking that they are:
a) interesting
b) smart
c) humorous
d) attractive
e) tough
Once they get these crazy ideas into their heads I am normally forced to:
a) sleep involuntarily
b) use mind-bullets on them
c) roll my eyes so hard that nearby pavement cracks
d) vomit uncontrollably
e) punt them to Proxima Centari
Every now and then I hit up omegle for a random chat, and what do I find? 12 year olds. How do I know they're 12? Well, it's simple really, if their opening line is:
a) ASL?
b) hey, I'm getting a mustache, are you a girl?
c) aloha! I wear a bra almost every day
d) hey, do you like music?
They are clearly 12, or are at least 12 brained. My responses are swift disconnects preceeded by:
a) Your question bores me.
b) You sound 12, I hate that, bye.
c) Do your parents know you use the internet?
d) .....
The really unfortunate part about being 12 is that you're not really a person yet, you're the stage of the species before it's matured enough to function.
Think your BB-Gun/bicycle/skate board/preteen angst makes you a tough customer? No, it makes you a thoroughly un-tough customer.
Awesome myspace page by the way. I like how it's a 900 line page completely covered with randomly scaled images, green italicised text, two songs playing in the background, and your name spelled with fire. Except when I say awesome I mean terrible and retarded.
Here's another thing, unless you are quite literally a hero, using words like "lol", "rofl", "lmao", outside of quotation marks makes you loose the contest. Equivalently, words like ":)", or any word spelled using numbers (sk8) are thoroughly retarded. The most horrible consequence of this is that somehow this 12-speak has filtered its way down to normal humans. Tainting otherwise intellelagable text.
Bah, I grow weary of this rant. Too much energy used up on raccoons.