01-06-2009, 05:56 PM
Here's the deal kids, the following is a list of what needs to be done in order for you to be cultured in today's modern visual culture. This is a living list, so I want people to post suggestions, of course refrain from being retarded, I hate that.
I'm going to use a secret abbreviation that I don't feel like explaining, so here goes:
List 1: The Non-Food SOMVOC Cultural Achievements List
Gaming:
To achieve 100% culturation one must have:
Played dodgeball, an American gradeschool classic.
Played Dungeons and Dragons, with actual dice! D&D is the original dice-rolling dungeon-style board game. Rolling a dice to attack enemies ushered in many spin-offs (warhammer anyone?) and eventually the video game RPG of today. It was the mechanics of D&D that caused it to excel, those same mechanics were used in almost every major RPG, of course, the dice was always hidden.
Played Kings Quest, the founding father of all PC-based adventure games. Kings quest was the first of its kinds, spurning 7 canonical sequels and a vast array of games from the genre it sired. If you've played Curse of Monkey Island, Hugo's House of Horrors, or Day of the Tentacle you've basically played the step-baby of the legend that was King's Quest.
Played Scorched Earth. Scorched Earth is the self-proclaimed mother of all games. Rooted in the arcade classic "gorillas", Scorch Earth introduced a vast array of weapons and mobility options. The last-man-standing tank game is what started games such as army men and worms.
Played Final Fantasy. The most ancient popular RPG, Final Fantasy paved the way for modern turn-based RPGs ushering in a new age of story and battle complexity.
Played Tales of Phantasia. The flagship for all modern non-turn based RPGs. TOP was the first video game with a voice-over layer, it was also the first RPG to utilize player positioning and movement over the standard menu-style battle system. This RPG was the first RPG playable via "Street Fighter".
Played One Must Fall. 2D fighting anyone? Mortal Combat? Street Fighter? Perhaps the grand-daddy of them all? One Must Fall. This was an ancient 2 person fighter, you could jump, punch and kick but not much else. It was a pretty terrible game, so you'll probably much rather pick up Mortal Combat or Street Fighter, but if you want your degree in old-school, you'll have to check this title out.
Played Legend of Zelda. The first massively popular adventure RPG. It was with Nintendo back when the Famicom Disk System was all there was (1987). What makes Legend of Zelda (or Hyrule Fantasy) so popular is that the story was interesting, Link could use many different items, and you could save your game! Gaming has never been the same since.
Cartoons:
To achieve 100% culturation one must have:
Seen at least 1 Disney movie created prior to 1980 (this will not be difficult). Disney is the staple American cartoon company riving the Warner Brothers. Its movies have always been a bigger hit than its televised cartoons. Watching at least one of these is a must, and I might be so forward as to require three movies one being Fantasia, one being Cinderella, and the final up to your discretion.
Watched Looney Toons. Yes, the most popular Warner Brother's cartoon. Looney Toons is the flagship of almost all modern American cartoons. If you don't know who Bug's Bunny and Daffey Duck are, you need to give your head a shake. This is a must, an absolute must that began televised domination as early as the 30s and is still being aired today. Learn your history kids. Warner Brothers have also made some of the most hilarious war-time propaganda cartoons ever televised. Check it out.
Seen Toy Story. Yes, Pixar may have killed the cartoon movies we all knew and loved, but the day has come and it is a classic. Almost all new cartoon movies are based off the style FINALLY mastered during the production of Toy Story. It needs a look if you want to win.
Watched an episode of The Flintstones or Jetsons. The Flintstones and Jetsons were both Hanna Barbara cartoons done in sitcom format. They spurned on the golden age of Hanna Barbara which heavily dominated the American Cartoon Network. Eventually loosing its luster, Hanna Barbara is still used as reference material (and actual material) for a number of modern mature cartoons such as Sealab 2021 and Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Anime:
Shouldn't be its own category, but it is for this reason: Its influences since its induction have been somewhat separate from mainstream American culture.
Seen an episode of Kimba the White Lion or Astro Boy. Kimba the White Lion and Astro Boy are American translations of the popular anime cartoons Janguru Taitei and Tetsuwan Atomu fostered in an early age of anime translations into American culture long before Speed Racer appeared on the scene. These cartoons aired in the 1960's roughly 10 years after their runs in Japan. Oddly enough, these cartoons were watched by our forefathers along with Bugs Bunny and Scooby Doo.
Seen an episode of Kaido Senshi Gundam. Now simply called "Gundam", KS Gundam first aired in 1979 and was the first anime in the genre "real robot". Previously all anime robots were magical creatures that simply fought off baddies. Gundam was different and took robot battle to the level that current anime would be lost without. Moble Suit Gundam, as it was called in English documented the journey of a motley crew of civilians aboard a prototype warship. This warship was equipped with 3 classified weapons, one of which was called The Gundam. This gundam is the grand daddy of every robot swinging an energy sword and engaging in deadly robot battle with ferocious adversaries. The plot was unlike anime had ever seen and has been able to run spinoffs to this very day.
Seen an episode of Sailor Moon or DBZ. DBZ and Sailor Moon breathed live back into the tired old "Martial Arts Master" and "Magical Girl" anime genres. One was for boys, the other was for girls. Both ended up far more successful than anticipated both earning unrivaled positions in the anime hall of fame. Sailor Moon brought magical girl anime to the next level by introducing magical animals, magical team-mates, plus dating, pigging out on cake, and every other element of a girl's anime you see today. Including the love stories. DBZ, although laughed at a lot today, took martial arts anime's to an entirely new level. Goku was no longer a talented monkey boy, he was a Saijin warrior turned defender of Earth and eventually the cosmic order! Goku found strength through family, friends, and care for a nation. These themes are used heavily and were prime inspirations for the shonen (boy's) anime of today Naruto and One Piece.
Seen a Studio Ghibli movie. Preferably Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. This studio is Japan's disney. The old movies look just as good today as they did 30 years ago and stir up unrivaled story lines. Nausicaa was the first post-apocalyptic anime of its time. The story of a young society eventually learning of the destruction of the world before them and the young girl, ...on a golden field, ...wearing the robes of a foreign land. The story could never be retold to rival the epic that was Nausicaa. That is why it is a must in order to justify being a fan of any media, period. If that's not your style there is Princess Mononoke (the original tale of the Demon Prince) and Laputa: Castle in the Sky (the original story of, well, the castles in the sky).
More to come soon.
I'm going to use a secret abbreviation that I don't feel like explaining, so here goes:
List 1: The Non-Food SOMVOC Cultural Achievements List
Gaming:
To achieve 100% culturation one must have:
Played dodgeball, an American gradeschool classic.
Played Dungeons and Dragons, with actual dice! D&D is the original dice-rolling dungeon-style board game. Rolling a dice to attack enemies ushered in many spin-offs (warhammer anyone?) and eventually the video game RPG of today. It was the mechanics of D&D that caused it to excel, those same mechanics were used in almost every major RPG, of course, the dice was always hidden.
Played Kings Quest, the founding father of all PC-based adventure games. Kings quest was the first of its kinds, spurning 7 canonical sequels and a vast array of games from the genre it sired. If you've played Curse of Monkey Island, Hugo's House of Horrors, or Day of the Tentacle you've basically played the step-baby of the legend that was King's Quest.
Played Scorched Earth. Scorched Earth is the self-proclaimed mother of all games. Rooted in the arcade classic "gorillas", Scorch Earth introduced a vast array of weapons and mobility options. The last-man-standing tank game is what started games such as army men and worms.
Played Final Fantasy. The most ancient popular RPG, Final Fantasy paved the way for modern turn-based RPGs ushering in a new age of story and battle complexity.
Played Tales of Phantasia. The flagship for all modern non-turn based RPGs. TOP was the first video game with a voice-over layer, it was also the first RPG to utilize player positioning and movement over the standard menu-style battle system. This RPG was the first RPG playable via "Street Fighter".
Played One Must Fall. 2D fighting anyone? Mortal Combat? Street Fighter? Perhaps the grand-daddy of them all? One Must Fall. This was an ancient 2 person fighter, you could jump, punch and kick but not much else. It was a pretty terrible game, so you'll probably much rather pick up Mortal Combat or Street Fighter, but if you want your degree in old-school, you'll have to check this title out.
Played Legend of Zelda. The first massively popular adventure RPG. It was with Nintendo back when the Famicom Disk System was all there was (1987). What makes Legend of Zelda (or Hyrule Fantasy) so popular is that the story was interesting, Link could use many different items, and you could save your game! Gaming has never been the same since.
Cartoons:
To achieve 100% culturation one must have:
Seen at least 1 Disney movie created prior to 1980 (this will not be difficult). Disney is the staple American cartoon company riving the Warner Brothers. Its movies have always been a bigger hit than its televised cartoons. Watching at least one of these is a must, and I might be so forward as to require three movies one being Fantasia, one being Cinderella, and the final up to your discretion.
Watched Looney Toons. Yes, the most popular Warner Brother's cartoon. Looney Toons is the flagship of almost all modern American cartoons. If you don't know who Bug's Bunny and Daffey Duck are, you need to give your head a shake. This is a must, an absolute must that began televised domination as early as the 30s and is still being aired today. Learn your history kids. Warner Brothers have also made some of the most hilarious war-time propaganda cartoons ever televised. Check it out.
Seen Toy Story. Yes, Pixar may have killed the cartoon movies we all knew and loved, but the day has come and it is a classic. Almost all new cartoon movies are based off the style FINALLY mastered during the production of Toy Story. It needs a look if you want to win.
Watched an episode of The Flintstones or Jetsons. The Flintstones and Jetsons were both Hanna Barbara cartoons done in sitcom format. They spurned on the golden age of Hanna Barbara which heavily dominated the American Cartoon Network. Eventually loosing its luster, Hanna Barbara is still used as reference material (and actual material) for a number of modern mature cartoons such as Sealab 2021 and Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Anime:
Shouldn't be its own category, but it is for this reason: Its influences since its induction have been somewhat separate from mainstream American culture.
Seen an episode of Kimba the White Lion or Astro Boy. Kimba the White Lion and Astro Boy are American translations of the popular anime cartoons Janguru Taitei and Tetsuwan Atomu fostered in an early age of anime translations into American culture long before Speed Racer appeared on the scene. These cartoons aired in the 1960's roughly 10 years after their runs in Japan. Oddly enough, these cartoons were watched by our forefathers along with Bugs Bunny and Scooby Doo.
Seen an episode of Kaido Senshi Gundam. Now simply called "Gundam", KS Gundam first aired in 1979 and was the first anime in the genre "real robot". Previously all anime robots were magical creatures that simply fought off baddies. Gundam was different and took robot battle to the level that current anime would be lost without. Moble Suit Gundam, as it was called in English documented the journey of a motley crew of civilians aboard a prototype warship. This warship was equipped with 3 classified weapons, one of which was called The Gundam. This gundam is the grand daddy of every robot swinging an energy sword and engaging in deadly robot battle with ferocious adversaries. The plot was unlike anime had ever seen and has been able to run spinoffs to this very day.
Seen an episode of Sailor Moon or DBZ. DBZ and Sailor Moon breathed live back into the tired old "Martial Arts Master" and "Magical Girl" anime genres. One was for boys, the other was for girls. Both ended up far more successful than anticipated both earning unrivaled positions in the anime hall of fame. Sailor Moon brought magical girl anime to the next level by introducing magical animals, magical team-mates, plus dating, pigging out on cake, and every other element of a girl's anime you see today. Including the love stories. DBZ, although laughed at a lot today, took martial arts anime's to an entirely new level. Goku was no longer a talented monkey boy, he was a Saijin warrior turned defender of Earth and eventually the cosmic order! Goku found strength through family, friends, and care for a nation. These themes are used heavily and were prime inspirations for the shonen (boy's) anime of today Naruto and One Piece.
Seen a Studio Ghibli movie. Preferably Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. This studio is Japan's disney. The old movies look just as good today as they did 30 years ago and stir up unrivaled story lines. Nausicaa was the first post-apocalyptic anime of its time. The story of a young society eventually learning of the destruction of the world before them and the young girl, ...on a golden field, ...wearing the robes of a foreign land. The story could never be retold to rival the epic that was Nausicaa. That is why it is a must in order to justify being a fan of any media, period. If that's not your style there is Princess Mononoke (the original tale of the Demon Prince) and Laputa: Castle in the Sky (the original story of, well, the castles in the sky).
More to come soon.